breakups hurt

breakups are difficult. it doesn't really matter who breaks up with who or if it's mutual, both people suffer. every horrible feeling imaginable is felt while suffering through a breakup.

i'm very scared right now. i'm constantly wondering if the decision i made was out of stupidity or sense. i just don't want to be alone. but i also want to be happy. and the reality is, for the past couple of months, i wasn't happy. i was doubting everything like crazy. he wasn't giving me what i hope "the man in life" can/will give me: comfort and support (i'm not talking anything having to do with finances). at times, i felt like i was the more masculine one and for a girly girl like me, that just doesn't work. but i knew he loved me...that is such a wonderful feeling. before him, i never had that much assurance in a man's love for me. yet, i still didn't feel fully comfortable and protected around him. it was eating me alive and i finally had to tell him i couldn't do it any longer. and now i feel horrible. like i've lost. i'm alone and my thoughts and doubts circulate throughout my entire body endlessly.

i hate this.